I was in a welcome party at graduate school and was trying to make acquaintance with as many people as possible. Somebody introduced me to this guy and after a few words of introduction, I casually asked him if he was a native of Andhra Pradesh. Something in him suggested to me that he was a native Telugu speaker (and I was in fact, right - the boy was originally Telugu but grew up in TamilNadu). Now he was surrounded by a group of Tamilan boys and one of them smirked at my innocent question - "Dei, she is insulting you da." I asked them how my question about their friend being Telugu could have translated into an insult. The reply I got was just loud laughter.
The comment was probably meant to be a joke but it did not seem funny to me. It actually saddened me a lot. It is one thing to respect and love your culture but it is totally another to laugh at someone else's (even if it was supposed to be a joke). However, this is considered very normal and "cool" these days and those who do not relish it (like me) are termed as belonging to "the old world" or "stuck-up" or "preachers".
After a lot of thought about this, I decided that the fault was mine. I should never have even asked that question because it was not supposed to matter to me. We have enough divisions in India already without me being curious about some stranger's native place. Also, why are our hearts supposed to warm up at the sight of "our" people? This "our" in India is totally subjective - for some, it just ends with family; for some, their caste; for many, it is language; for most, it is geography. The need to identify oneself with one of caste, language, region has become so ingrained that undermining every other background is considered normal and even necessary.
Does this not sound illogical? Just because we speak a different word for "blah" in our language than someone else, how did we become superior? Yes, the way we wear sari is extremely unique to our state but how does that make us any greater? We still have hungry people in our so called "culture", don't we? If there was ever a justifiable reason to feel proud of one's language or culture or state, I think it is probably when that part of civilization has established equality among human beings. It is probably when that civilization does not experience starvation, unemployment, illiteracy or exploitation. Did we not forget our so-called differences fight together for our independence? (Of course, the moment we realized that freedom was imminent, we started fighting with each other again). Can we not fight together now, against problems that are beyond one's culture or language - such as hunger, at the very least? If only things that are considered "cool" are also meant for greater good !
I have been fortunate in this respect - exposed to several typical cultures that I sometimes feel I belong nowhere in particular or even better, everywhere. Should I call myself Telugu because I was born one or should I owe my allegiance to TamilNadu because I grew up there? Should I "convert" to being a Maharashtrian because I married one or should I pledge devotion to the USA because I earn my bread there? There is no one answer to this because every place and its culture has its own vibrant color. For example, I love Dussheras in Chennai, Ugadi/Sankranti in Telugu homes, Ganesh Chaturthi performances in Maharashtra and the spirit of Christmas/Thanksgiving in America.
Finally, it is also possible to make deep friendships with people who do not belong to one's "own" culture. This post is dedicated to two such friends (S and N). The Tamil Telugu divide did not matter to them. Language was not a barrier, nor was culture or upbringing. They were both born and brought up in different Indian states and did not meet until they entered college - this means their friendship was not an incidental childhood story but a conscious choice in adulthood. They have remained best friends since then and am sure, will continue to be so in future.
