How do you eat so much rice?

I have heard this question too many times, really. And almost always, the questioner is interested less in seeking an earnest answer and more in making fun. It seems to most roti eaters that rice is a kind of boring food that makes you fat overnight. I used to get irritated with this attitude in the beginning - "How is it your concern what I eat? Am I asking you why you eat what you eat?". Then I graduated from irritation to sarcasm (if you can call it a graduation). I would almost come close to answering "Er.. with my hand. Isnt that how you eat YOUR food?". Anyway, I have now evolved to actually reasoning it out, at least in my head. This prevents me from reacting negatively to questions like this.

Rice is a wet crop, meaning it requires a lot of water to grow. If you have ever visited a rice field, even in passing, you would notice that all stalks are covered almost 75% in water, until they are ready to be harvested. South India is blessed with a lot of humidity and river water, which makes it very ideal for growing rice. Incidentally, rice happens to be the major crop in most (if not all) deltas and hence the staple food too. Whatever is available in adundance in an area, becomes a part of regular diet there. Another example is coconut. Even within a single state, like Maharashtra, fresh coconut usage in everyday cuisine increases as one moves towards the Konkan coast. When we are used to a particular kind of food from childhood, we tend to mostly prefer the same unless there are contra-indications (like rice being too "white" these days). Therefore, there is nothing superior or inferior about eating a particular kind of food.

There is an additional "poking tag" associated with South Indians, esp Tamilians - that they eat curd rice all the time, that all they need is curd rice and nothing else. If one paid any attention in geography classes, one would know that Tamilnadu is closer to the Equator than other states (except Kerala). The closer you are to the Equator, the more tropical it gets. People who generally live in tropical regions, accumulate what is called "Pitta" in Ayurveda. In layman terms, it translates to "accumulating more heat in the body". Now, every food has a particular property and hence it is advisable for people living in the tropics to add foods that soothe this "Pitta". That is why, traditionally, in many South Indian households (even in Andhra Pradesh), curd rice+onion is consumed even for breakfast. In peak summers, my mother used to mix milk and a little bit of curd in rice every night. I was made to eat this the next morning (as much as I felt bored of it at that time and longed for more interesting idlis and dosas) to keep heat boils, dehydration etc. at bay. 

Google will tell you that an equal measure of rice and wheat have the same number of calories. If we can control the amount of rice we consume per day just as we control the amount of chapatis we consume, we can keep calories in control. In fact, in any Ayurvedic detox/weight loss program, the only cooked food they seem to allow for a while is Khichadi (rice and moong dal cooked together). 

All foods are equally wonderful. It is a matter of pride for Indians that they have such a great diversity in cuisine and in the cooking process. I have seen that even the way rotis/rice are prepared varies across states and communities. Instead of appreciating the variety, it is sad that we focus on ridiculing habits that were formed/recommended for a very logical reason. 

Beauty is all in oils

My relationship with oil has never been cordial (until recently!). My father would always stress how important oil is to the body and I would curse under my breath (oil makes one sticky.. yech !). Plus, I thought I already had enough to cope with Chennai's stickiness and could really do without more oil on my skin, hair etc. Sticky, smelly oils were for the older generation when they had no stylish, perfumed scents, gels and creams. They were not for me then.

But life has its own way of teaching lessons. When your skin becomes dry and hair starts falling; when all those colorful, attractive 'skin/hair care' products are eating away not only your money but also your skin/hair (irony!), you start to realize there must be some truth in what your father said. That was what happened with me. The more I read and understood Ayurveda, the more I was convinced that the first thing I should do to save myself from baldness was to dump my shampoos and conditioners in the dustbin. The same holds for moisturizers. Doing the latter was easy because no moisturizer ever worked well for me, anyway. 

Conditioners gave me a temporary feeling of 'softness' but always made hair worse in the long run. Many of my friends are also experiencing similar symptoms. In India, there is currently a craze for 'straight hair'. So, as long as I was there, I must admit I longed for the same but never had the guts to go for permanent straightening treatments like some friends did. I always went around feeling ashamed of my frizzy, wavy hair. Things changed drastically when I moved to the US because here, they have the opposite craze (for curly and wavy hair). Some colleagues walk up to me and ask what I do to get such 'beautiful curls', if I could please tell them how they can get their 'tiresome, straight' hair to look alive and bounce, if I use a 'special curling iron', how I manage to get all the curls to point in the same direction (!), etc. Now, suddenly I started loving my hair because everybody around me was appreciating it so much. See? We all do this. We base our opinion on ourselves on what others tell us. 

Anyway, if we want to change our hair texture based on current trends in different places, we would end up bald. There is nothing like 'this type of hair is the best, this skin is the best, this color is the best, this nose is the best'. Everything is very subjective.Warm, natural oils are still the best food for hair. Ayurveda suggests different oils based on one's constitution - but unsurprisingly, coconut oil is one that can be used by anyone (I know my father will love this sentence). Further, there is nothing like an 'Abhyangana Snanam' (oil bath) to rejuvenate oneself. Yes, bathrooms get a little messy but you can burn some calories scrubbing them later. I have learnt this lesson the hard way by trying other fancy things and failing miserably.  

Long story cut short, it has been 3 months since I stopped using any conditioner. I still get tempted to use shampoo in the morning rush hour but am trying to get rid of that too, soon. I read some useful skin/hair tips and some really worked for me. When you try them, remember that any natural healing process takes some time and that is the right and sustainable way to heal. If you use something and see results overnight, you can be more than assured that it is bogus. So, try these remedies for a while and see for yourselves.

For acne/pimply/dry/oily/combination skin (any skin) 

• Grate cucumber, massage that cool grated cucumber gently on your face. If you have a lot of acne and pimples hurt, do this carefully and slowly. Do this everyday. Cucumber clean the clogged pores in the skin and prevents more from clogging up. Sometimes, you can also mix a little milk. 
• Never rub your face vigorously with a scrub. Instead grind some oats, mix with milk and gently apply on your skin and wash off. Once your acne clears substantially, you can scrub all you want. I used to go to parlors in Hyderabad for a facial and they used to just scrub my face like anything. I have not been to a parlor since I realized what was happening. Its just a huge waste of resources.
• Do NOT bathe in hot water. Hot water drives out the natural moisture of the skin, resulting in cracking. Instead, bathe in luke warm water. Last mug of of your bath, splash cold water on your face and any acne infected part of the body. That will help in closing up pores.
• Drink lots of water. It is a natural toxin remover. 

For dandruff (this really really works !)

Dandruff is again caused by flaky skin on the scalp. So one should scrape it out like you clean a sticky vessel. For this, warm up about a small cup of coconut oil. (I also add some curry leaves while warming the oil because it gives a good scent and prevents graying.) Now just pour this warm oil on the scalp in copious amounts. Your entire scalp should be wet with oil. Remember, if you use very little oil on dandruff, it will further stick to the scalp. What you want to do is literally pour it. Once done, massage the scalp well. Initially you will lose quite some hair in this process but after a few weeks, hair becomes stronger. Now, stay with this oil on for about an hour and wash off with shikakai/soap nut. Even if you use shampoo, you will still notice a much cleaner scalp. S and I do this every Sunday and it has really worked for us, after many failed products. You can even add some almond/bhringraj or other oil but coconut oil does the magic all the time.

I am also in the process of learning and practicing them but I felt I should share this even before I perfect my routine. Will share more as I try them.

Being a caterpillar

Learning anything new is so hard. It is even harder to retain the knowledge. For instance, I can learn languages easily but I forget what I learnt as fast as I pick them up, unless there is constant rehearsal. 

I always considered myself very lazy. But with time, I realized that my actual problem is 'quitting'. I have varied interests ranging from religion/mythology to technology. I spend more time worrying about days slipping away than in mastering anything. When I am too overcome with worry, I suffer a sort of break down and wonder when I became such a loser. One wants to be good at so many things but its all so difficult. It requires so much patience, sacrifice and hard work. 

For example, I dream about being able to sing like a nightingale, openly and spontaneously - but that cannot happen without hours of croaking my voice out, mastering the subtle nuance of reaching Ga from Ri. Similarly, just when I think I am finally floating well in swimming class, I sink multiple times, inhaling water instead of air and choking myself blue. Just when I feel I have finally nailed the whole baking thing, my orange cake refuses to rise and stays limp/sticky. When most of my class mates are able to enter a yoga posture gracefully, I feel like a rigid stone that refuses to twist or turn. When I reach the last stanza of a poem or a hymn that am learning, I realize I forgot the first. When I fix a messy bug in code, I introduce another. So you get the picture.

I am used to having these cycles of 'despair' and 'zeal'. It starts with being super interested in thing A, sucking at it, moving to the despair phase until some new thing B brings the zeal back. Anyway, this happened very frequently until recently, when I read this beautiful quote about a caterpillar and butterfly.

"No one in the world looked at a caterpillar and imagined it would turn into a beautiful butterfly"

This struck me deeply and has changed me. It is very easy to be the fox in the 'sour grapes' story. That only brings 'pseudo contentment'. True satisfaction lies in trying, in the journey, in the sweat, even in the despair. Today, I might seem clumsy at something and be embarrassed, disappointed and tired. However, with practice and perseverance, I might, one fine day, metamorphosise into a colorful butterfly, flying gracefully in green gardens, bringing joy and happiness to everyone. 

Until then, I am just an ugly, prickly caterpillar, silently working on my vibrant colors beneath my shell.

Working from home

Less than two generations ago, there was this cultural misconception in India which held that it was not becoming of a woman to work outside of home. So we can confidently say that Indian women have come a long way from confinement to kitchens to researching abroad, flying planes and traveling to space. However,  in my observation, we are slowly leaning towards another extreme of looking down upon an Indian woman if she chooses to be a homemaker, if she is not very oriented towards making a career outside. This is not very good too. A very standard remark made on such women is "What does she do anyway? Watches TV all day. She doesn't work". 

While it is true that many "housewives" are addicted to TV and devote their lives in making Ekta Kapur a multi billionaire, it is also true that many working women resort to the same source of entertainment after work. In that sense, their work has only economically empowered them but has not contributed to a major difference in personality or choice. In recent times, another added "hobby" of many young working women is to spend weekends shopping and partying (Not saying these hobbies are bad. Definitely saying they are not great achievements). If one's employment and the added income is only contributing to a multiplication of wants, is it worth being so proud of? 

Caution: I am not talking about education here. It is undoubtedly important for women to seek education and knowledge. I am only talking about the general disdain on even educated homemakers.

In my experience, I have met women who have been working for long but are very narrow minded and judgmental. I have also met women who hold liberal views and excel from home. An example of the latter category is my own mother.  She is a gold medalist in English Literature from one of the finest colleges in India. Though she worked for a while, she could not pursue teaching after her marriage for various circumstantial reasons. However, she has achieved much just from home. She is one of the best finance managers I know of. For several years, my father always gave her the same amount each month, to run the house. She could proudly make many a rainy day saving from just this, even while meeting regular expenditure. She has her own set of small investments too. She learnt Braille to make notes for the visually challenged. She learnt Sanskrit to understand our scriptures. She attended MS-Office classes when we bought our first computer. She is skilled in a variety of art (crochet, stuffed dolls, embroidery, knitting, baking), not to mention flawless cooking. She guided MA English students towards their thesis. She successfully and single handedly ran a small evening school for underprivileged children for years. She currently holds Shloka/Bhajan classes for many kids and has successfully directed several wonderful plays.  In short, she has not only always been a homemaker but also an achiever.

All I want to say is, it is possible to be great, right from home as long as one does not get conquered by Ekta Kapur. AND it is not just homemakers who are addicted to TV. It is all about personal choices. Undermining every homemaker is only immature. Yes, working in an office is one way of getting empowered but not the only way. Definitely, an employed woman can enjoy a better standard of living economically. But if her empowerment stops at just that, does she have the right to look down upon women who chose otherwise?

The Great Indian "Divide" !

I was in a welcome party at graduate school and was trying to make acquaintance with as many people as possible. Somebody introduced me to this guy and after a few words of introduction, I casually asked him if he was a native of Andhra Pradesh. Something in him suggested to me that he was a native Telugu speaker (and I was in fact, right - the boy was originally Telugu but grew up in TamilNadu). Now he was surrounded by a group of Tamilan boys and one of them smirked at my innocent question - "Dei, she is insulting you da." I asked them how my question about their friend being Telugu could have translated into an insult. The reply I got was just loud laughter.

 

The comment was probably meant to be a joke but it did not seem funny to me. It actually saddened me a lot. It is one thing to respect and love your culture but it is totally another to laugh at someone else's (even if it was supposed to be a joke). However, this is considered very normal and "cool" these days and those who do not relish it (like me) are termed as belonging to "the old world" or "stuck-up" or "preachers".

 

After a lot of thought about this, I decided that the fault was mine. I should never have even asked that question because it was not supposed to matter to me. We have enough divisions in India already without me being curious about some stranger's native place. Also, why are our hearts supposed to warm up at the sight of "our" people? This "our" in India is totally subjective - for some, it just ends with family; for some, their caste; for many, it is language; for most, it is geography. The need to identify oneself with one of caste, language, region has become so ingrained that undermining every other background is considered normal and even necessary.

 

Does this not sound illogical? Just because we speak a different word for "blah" in our language than someone else, how did we become superior? Yes, the way we wear sari is extremely unique to our state but how does that make us any greater? We still have hungry people in our so called "culture", don't we? If there was ever a justifiable reason to feel proud of one's language or culture or state, I think it is probably when that part of civilization has established equality among human beings. It is probably when that civilization does not experience starvation, unemployment, illiteracy or exploitation. Did we not forget our so-called differences fight together for our independence? (Of course, the moment we realized that freedom was imminent, we started fighting with each other again). Can we not fight together now, against problems that are beyond one's culture or language - such as hunger, at the very least? If only things that are considered "cool" are also meant for greater good !

 

I have been fortunate in this respect - exposed to several typical cultures that I sometimes feel I belong nowhere in particular or even better, everywhere. Should I call myself Telugu because I was born one or should I owe my allegiance to TamilNadu because I grew up there? Should I "convert" to being a Maharashtrian because I married one or should I pledge devotion to the USA because I earn my bread there? There is no one answer to this because every place and its culture has its own vibrant color. For example, I love Dussheras in Chennai, Ugadi/Sankranti in Telugu homes, Ganesh Chaturthi performances in Maharashtra and the spirit of Christmas/Thanksgiving in America.

 

Finally, it is also possible to make deep friendships with people who do not belong to one's "own" culture. This post is dedicated to two such friends (S and N). The Tamil Telugu divide did not matter to them. Language was not a barrier, nor was culture or upbringing. They were both born and brought up in different Indian states and did not meet until they entered college - this means their friendship was not an incidental childhood story but a conscious choice in adulthood. They have remained best friends since then and am sure, will continue to be so in future.
 

An evening with a Mystic

Last Friday evening was a wonderful experience for us. We were extremely privileged to listen to some thought-provoking words spoken by none other than Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. S and I have been listening to him speak in numerous YouTube videos and other online resources and we were excited that we would finally be seeing Sadhguru in flesh and blood.

To start with, the day was rainy and the prospects of getting stuck on the freeway in traffic and rain loomed on us. Thankfully, the skies cleared up, so did the dense Friday traffic and we reached our venue a full hour early. However, S and I were eager to not let anything distract us during the talk so we proceeded to first fill our tummies in a nearby eatery. We then settled in seats that could give us as best view as was possible with our tickets. 'Sounds of Isha' sent beautiful reverberating music into the air. This is probably the first time I was seeing such a diverse set of people coming together to listen to an Indian man (I have only been in the US a short while now).

Sadhguru entered the auditorium with his usual poise, ease and elegance. The purpose of his whole speech, interspersed with good humor, seemed to be to plant a question in our minds - "Is human life just about eating, sleeping, reproducing and ultimately dying?". He said if that were so, it somehow does not make sense at all. After all, if we are here suffering every single day (bad bosses at work to life threatening diseases, we are fighting every minute) and having all those ups and downs with kids, family etc. and suddenly one day we abruptly leave - to what avail were all our endeavors? Even if some people may advocate that human life is indeed as illogical as that and we are born just so we could study (in some cases), earn a living, shed some tears, laugh a bit, eat a lot, reproduce and just leave, are those who do just this, happy? So, is there something called a pleasant human life? Can we make our life more meaningful and live more fully, peacefully?

All in all, those couple of hours were one of our best evenings. The little exercises that he asked us to do, the detailed observations he made us attempt - we enjoyed them all. And I must say that this was the first time I saw S giving a speaker his full attention. Right since we have known each other, it was a matter of debate between us - me asserting that listening involves not just ears and he insisting that he can still be listening but not looking at the person. When I noticed how for two hours, I did not catch S looking at anything/anyone else other than Sadhguru, I knew I had won the debate.

After the talk, S went around a bit while I stood in the corridor studying a catalog when someone gently pushed me aside, asking me to make way. I turned around and who should stand there behind me but Sadhguru! There was an American couple in conversation with him as he was approaching me. I had a clear look of him - two flashing bright eyes on a dark face with a grey beard. As he walked away, I silently managed to touch his feet.

S and I felt inexplicable joy and peace that evening and I am so happy we were able to make it. We came home, had a simple meal, talked more about it and called it a beautiful day.

Be the change... !

"Memoirs of a Geisha" - this is the book that I recently borrowed from my friend. I had earlier read similar books but from different cultures, including Indian, Middle Eastern, European etc. However, I somehow did not expect that in a country like Japan, there would be misogyny. I felt distinctly sad and at the same time angry being shown repeatedly that, throughout the world, women are second class citizens. It is perhaps the greatest irony that on the one hand, women are expected to represent the honor of a family and on the other, are themselves almost never honored. It does not seem to matter how educated or how talented or how hard working a woman is when it comes to being subservient at home. Now, let me make one point clear lest some "cultured" people should argue that being educated does not mean that one should give up seemingly mundane household work (which includes cleaning up after the so-called head of the family). I am not against cooking or cleaning the toilets and the like but I surely do not want to do it only because I am a woman. I do not want to be told that it is my primary duty because men are too elite to be bothered about it. Is this not like slavery, some thankless job?

Anyway, these daily trifles seem nothing compared to what some women, like the one in this book had to endure in life. They are sold like commodities at a tender age or married off to fiends for a price, raped and humiliated, worked like slave animals, betrayed, insulted, crushed beyond repair . I wonder how we are still alive and can wish to bring more life into this world of hate and injustice. But then, I am reminded of people like Dr. Girish Mahadev Kulkarni, who started Snehalaya, an organization that gives a new hope of life to many destitute women and children. It should be because of such selfless men and women that the earth continues to breathe today. I just realized that I have myself not made any substantially good difference to the world other than writing posts like these and fretting. So, Gandhiji really meant it when he said - "Be the change you want to see in the world".