The Great Indian "Divide" !

I was in a welcome party at graduate school and was trying to make acquaintance with as many people as possible. Somebody introduced me to this guy and after a few words of introduction, I casually asked him if he was a native of Andhra Pradesh. Something in him suggested to me that he was a native Telugu speaker (and I was in fact, right - the boy was originally Telugu but grew up in TamilNadu). Now he was surrounded by a group of Tamilan boys and one of them smirked at my innocent question - "Dei, she is insulting you da." I asked them how my question about their friend being Telugu could have translated into an insult. The reply I got was just loud laughter.

 

The comment was probably meant to be a joke but it did not seem funny to me. It actually saddened me a lot. It is one thing to respect and love your culture but it is totally another to laugh at someone else's (even if it was supposed to be a joke). However, this is considered very normal and "cool" these days and those who do not relish it (like me) are termed as belonging to "the old world" or "stuck-up" or "preachers".

 

After a lot of thought about this, I decided that the fault was mine. I should never have even asked that question because it was not supposed to matter to me. We have enough divisions in India already without me being curious about some stranger's native place. Also, why are our hearts supposed to warm up at the sight of "our" people? This "our" in India is totally subjective - for some, it just ends with family; for some, their caste; for many, it is language; for most, it is geography. The need to identify oneself with one of caste, language, region has become so ingrained that undermining every other background is considered normal and even necessary.

 

Does this not sound illogical? Just because we speak a different word for "blah" in our language than someone else, how did we become superior? Yes, the way we wear sari is extremely unique to our state but how does that make us any greater? We still have hungry people in our so called "culture", don't we? If there was ever a justifiable reason to feel proud of one's language or culture or state, I think it is probably when that part of civilization has established equality among human beings. It is probably when that civilization does not experience starvation, unemployment, illiteracy or exploitation. Did we not forget our so-called differences fight together for our independence? (Of course, the moment we realized that freedom was imminent, we started fighting with each other again). Can we not fight together now, against problems that are beyond one's culture or language - such as hunger, at the very least? If only things that are considered "cool" are also meant for greater good !

 

I have been fortunate in this respect - exposed to several typical cultures that I sometimes feel I belong nowhere in particular or even better, everywhere. Should I call myself Telugu because I was born one or should I owe my allegiance to TamilNadu because I grew up there? Should I "convert" to being a Maharashtrian because I married one or should I pledge devotion to the USA because I earn my bread there? There is no one answer to this because every place and its culture has its own vibrant color. For example, I love Dussheras in Chennai, Ugadi/Sankranti in Telugu homes, Ganesh Chaturthi performances in Maharashtra and the spirit of Christmas/Thanksgiving in America.

 

Finally, it is also possible to make deep friendships with people who do not belong to one's "own" culture. This post is dedicated to two such friends (S and N). The Tamil Telugu divide did not matter to them. Language was not a barrier, nor was culture or upbringing. They were both born and brought up in different Indian states and did not meet until they entered college - this means their friendship was not an incidental childhood story but a conscious choice in adulthood. They have remained best friends since then and am sure, will continue to be so in future.
 

An evening with a Mystic

Last Friday evening was a wonderful experience for us. We were extremely privileged to listen to some thought-provoking words spoken by none other than Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev. S and I have been listening to him speak in numerous YouTube videos and other online resources and we were excited that we would finally be seeing Sadhguru in flesh and blood.

To start with, the day was rainy and the prospects of getting stuck on the freeway in traffic and rain loomed on us. Thankfully, the skies cleared up, so did the dense Friday traffic and we reached our venue a full hour early. However, S and I were eager to not let anything distract us during the talk so we proceeded to first fill our tummies in a nearby eatery. We then settled in seats that could give us as best view as was possible with our tickets. 'Sounds of Isha' sent beautiful reverberating music into the air. This is probably the first time I was seeing such a diverse set of people coming together to listen to an Indian man (I have only been in the US a short while now).

Sadhguru entered the auditorium with his usual poise, ease and elegance. The purpose of his whole speech, interspersed with good humor, seemed to be to plant a question in our minds - "Is human life just about eating, sleeping, reproducing and ultimately dying?". He said if that were so, it somehow does not make sense at all. After all, if we are here suffering every single day (bad bosses at work to life threatening diseases, we are fighting every minute) and having all those ups and downs with kids, family etc. and suddenly one day we abruptly leave - to what avail were all our endeavors? Even if some people may advocate that human life is indeed as illogical as that and we are born just so we could study (in some cases), earn a living, shed some tears, laugh a bit, eat a lot, reproduce and just leave, are those who do just this, happy? So, is there something called a pleasant human life? Can we make our life more meaningful and live more fully, peacefully?

All in all, those couple of hours were one of our best evenings. The little exercises that he asked us to do, the detailed observations he made us attempt - we enjoyed them all. And I must say that this was the first time I saw S giving a speaker his full attention. Right since we have known each other, it was a matter of debate between us - me asserting that listening involves not just ears and he insisting that he can still be listening but not looking at the person. When I noticed how for two hours, I did not catch S looking at anything/anyone else other than Sadhguru, I knew I had won the debate.

After the talk, S went around a bit while I stood in the corridor studying a catalog when someone gently pushed me aside, asking me to make way. I turned around and who should stand there behind me but Sadhguru! There was an American couple in conversation with him as he was approaching me. I had a clear look of him - two flashing bright eyes on a dark face with a grey beard. As he walked away, I silently managed to touch his feet.

S and I felt inexplicable joy and peace that evening and I am so happy we were able to make it. We came home, had a simple meal, talked more about it and called it a beautiful day.

Be the change... !

"Memoirs of a Geisha" - this is the book that I recently borrowed from my friend. I had earlier read similar books but from different cultures, including Indian, Middle Eastern, European etc. However, I somehow did not expect that in a country like Japan, there would be misogyny. I felt distinctly sad and at the same time angry being shown repeatedly that, throughout the world, women are second class citizens. It is perhaps the greatest irony that on the one hand, women are expected to represent the honor of a family and on the other, are themselves almost never honored. It does not seem to matter how educated or how talented or how hard working a woman is when it comes to being subservient at home. Now, let me make one point clear lest some "cultured" people should argue that being educated does not mean that one should give up seemingly mundane household work (which includes cleaning up after the so-called head of the family). I am not against cooking or cleaning the toilets and the like but I surely do not want to do it only because I am a woman. I do not want to be told that it is my primary duty because men are too elite to be bothered about it. Is this not like slavery, some thankless job?

Anyway, these daily trifles seem nothing compared to what some women, like the one in this book had to endure in life. They are sold like commodities at a tender age or married off to fiends for a price, raped and humiliated, worked like slave animals, betrayed, insulted, crushed beyond repair . I wonder how we are still alive and can wish to bring more life into this world of hate and injustice. But then, I am reminded of people like Dr. Girish Mahadev Kulkarni, who started Snehalaya, an organization that gives a new hope of life to many destitute women and children. It should be because of such selfless men and women that the earth continues to breathe today. I just realized that I have myself not made any substantially good difference to the world other than writing posts like these and fretting. So, Gandhiji really meant it when he said - "Be the change you want to see in the world".

Bird poop and other important things

So we finally bought our first car. After almost a month of gathering information (mostly done by S), requesting quotes from all Honda dealers in the area, failing twice in making a deal, we saw light at the end of the car buyer's tunnel - and in that light we saw a brand new Honda Accord which we could call "our own".  Soon, the emotions began. The moment S and I saw our sparkling blue car, we decided it should sparkle for the rest of its life, that no harm shall ever befall our beloved vehicle and that we would guard it with utmost responsibility which included parking it a little away from other cars (lest their doors should bruise our dear one, you see). We took him (the attachment prevents me from referring to the car as 'it') to the temple, prayed for his well being and thanked the Lord for giving him to us. When we brought him home, we were ecstatic to find a secluded parking spot waiting for us and wept for joy (hyperbole, of course!) about how lucky he was. In wonderful spirits, after informing family and friends about his entry into our lives, we retired for the day. 

The next day turned out to be delightfully sunny and our new car sparkled more than ever. I wanted to drive him to work. The amateur driver that I am, I was half dead with tension before we could reach office - "Will I hit something when I am turning left?" or " Oh, why is this other goddamn car moving so close to us? What if he hits my love?" or "Oh God, please dont make me hurt him with my stupid driving". Anyway, we reached office but a little late (thanks to the fact that we are very "early" risers) and could not find the best parking spot. Disappointed, we parked him wherever we could and rushed to work. However, S went downstairs during lunch time and re-parked him in a better spot (in fact one of the best because it was a wider one) and all was well with the world again. Until evening !

We came back to our sparkling new car ready to go back home from work and what else should we see but a brilliant white, unusually long streak of bird poop all over the passenger seat side !!! Now, why a stupid bird chose OUR beloved car (of a few dozens) to relieve itself of its burden and how it (yes, even though its a living thing, I call it IT !) managed to do it in that unusual fashion, splashing its waste all over like it was some wonderful paint, confounded us. We were both silent during our ride home. And then it hit me (and probably S too though I am the more vocal one).

However much one might consciously take care to do the perfect thing in life, one just cannot stop shit from happening. And when shit does happen, unnecessary attachment to things (or even people or the ego-self) only brings sorrow. There will always be somebody or something that will act in a displeasing way, that will slander one, streak poop all over one's seemingly sparkling self. This is unavoidable. Period. The best that one can probably do in that situation is exactly what S and I did after getting back home. Take a pair of clean disinfectant tissues, wipe out the shit and walk away as happier people !

P.S. Yes, it is easier said than done :)

Kaksparsh (Crow's touch) - A review

If someone asks me to name some of the best movies I watched in the past year, 'Kaksparsh' (a Marathi movie) would definitely score amongst the top three. The most remarkable thing about 'Kaksparsh' is its strong story-line.  The writer, Usha Datar and the director, Mahesh Manjrekar weave a gripping tale set in pre-independence India, capturing an entire gamut of emotions such as love, jealousy, selfishness, friendship, fear, superstition, hypocrisy, frustration,  in short - the good, bad and ugly of that age.

The protagonist, Hari dada (played with flawless excellence by Sachin Khedekar) is the head of an orthodox family in a coastal Maharashtrian village. When his younger brother, Mahadev tragically succumbs to illness leaving his barely 14 year old widow, Uma behind, Hari performs the final rites according to Hindu customs. The last ritual that remains is to offer a ball of rice (called 'Pindam' in Sanskrit) to a crow (called 'Kak' in Marathi) that is believed to be a messenger of the departed soul. Hari and the other priests wait under the scorching heat for a crow to touch (called 'Sparsh' in Marathi) the Pindam but in vain. Finally, Hari vows over his brother's soul that he would not allow another man to ever touch Uma. Just then, a crow flies over and sanctifies the Pindam with its touch. Whether this was merely co-incidental or otherwise, is left to the viewer's interpretation. The rest of the plot reveals to what extent Hari can go to ferociously protect Uma and to what avail. We also get to see what the impact of Mahadev's death was on Uma who barely even understood the concept of marriage when she was banished from 'civil' society for life.

This movie is not for those who wish to feel light-headed after watching one. It is serious cinema in all its gravity. It highlights the horrible (in fact, evil) practices that prevailed in that generation - child marriage and ostracizing of widows. It also succeeds in beautifully bringing out the 'grey'ness in human character - why and how people become what they are and how they get trapped in that being to the extent that they believe that is the right way of life. In the case of Hari, the honest and forthright stalwart of a man, the 'grey' factor is exuded in the way he (albeit, unintentionally) puts another life's existence at stake so that he himself remains true to a promise given to a dead brother's soul, that too - after the soul's departure.

Extremely thought-provoking and sometimes sowing a seed of disgust at the treatment meted out to women, 'Kaksparsh' can twist the sinews of one's heart in certain scenes. What is more tragic is the fact that this piece of fiction was and continues to be the reality of hundreds of Indian widows in Hindu society. 

In short - a must see movie if one can understand Marathi and does not mind occasionally using some brains while watching movies.

Hats off to YouTube Maami and Maama !

On the face of it, they seem a typical, traditional, possibly also orthodox Tamilian couple staying in Srirangam, the small, well known temple town near Trichy, Tamilnadu. Yet there is something extremely atypical about Mr. and Mrs. Radhakrishnan (known as Srirangam Radhu, Youtube Maami/Maama) who own a YouTube channel with about 500 videos featuring various recipes,  traditional prayers and tips. They say that it all started with their son marrying a Canadian and settling down in Canada. Mrs. Geetha Radhakrishnan, a retired school teacher, with the expert assistance of her husband, made a recipe video for her son who was missing traditional home food. What started with a single video for a family member is now a full blown channel guiding tens of thousands of amateur cooks across the world through simple indian (especially, south indian) recipes.

If one can understand Tamil, one would observe that merely watching a 5 minute video of theirs, gives a sense of home. While maami(aunty, in Tamil), clad in traditional everyday south indian attire does all the culinary action - cutting, grinding, frying and roasting, maama (uncle, in Tamil) keeps trotting behind her with his video camera, asking curious questions and cracking occasional jokes. Every video ends with an 'all the best' for the viewers (originally meant for just their son) and sometimes with a jocular "Try panni paarungo. It is our maiden venture too. Eppidi irkaporado engalukke inime daan teriyum" (You try this and see. We ourselves will know how its going to taste only now since this our maiden venture) from maama.

What amazes me about this couple is their acceptance of cosmopolitanism and change while still being soaked in Tamilian tradition. One will observe maami using words like 'desiccated coconut' and 'fenugreek seeds'. Every now and then, she also seems to be suggesting her son to use lesser chilli (peppers) than she is using in the video because 'enga aatula engalukku ippidi pudikum. aana unga aatula kaaram aavaade avalo." (In our home, we like it a little spicy but in your home, spice is not preferred). They definitely do not seem to be moping about how their son is missing Indian food.  They do not seem to be complaining that they are having to do things which their parents or relatives or neighbors are probably not. Instead they have embraced technology, learning to use the camera, uploading on YouTube, adding a western touch and variety to their recipes every now and then (evident in corn cheese pulao, oatmeal idli, 7 in 1 cake etc.),  responding graciously to fans, sharing traditional cooking tips, explaining how to perform prayers during festivals (how to arrange items in front of the deity etc.) and so much more. I think it is this open-mindedness and the enthusiasm that deserves a salute.  And I am sure I am not alone in my praise and admiration for Mr.& Mrs. Radhakrishnan.

"I would be lucky if I pass..."

... is what they generally say, while secretly they know they will do much better than just pass in an exam.  I am tired of such people. I mean, really.. what is their problem? I have seen them at school, lying over every petty thing. Then in college, lying over bigger things, acting miserable after an important interview while actually expecting an appointment letter any minute, making up low scores for the benefit of peers, especially "competitors" and of course, flinging the classic "I did not study at ALLLL.." piece of crap every now and then. Then I saw such rats at work, feigning as much disgust as they can over managers, clapping along with you over a light conversation about work, nodding vehemently about how we should all go talk to boss's boss about the former's oppression etc.. and at the same time, shamelessly sneaking into the boss's room and vomiting every single sentence and expression on him/her. Eeeeeeiiuuwww! 

What I did not however expect was to see such rodents here in graduate school, where one comes mostly to learn (at least that is the hope) and not to only score higher than some other random person. But NO! I was wrong. Grad school is not free of this kind of infestation. In fact, here people go a mile extra in such nonsense..."Oh, I have a problem with my brain, I cannot understand things so much" or "I got so confused in the exam, I did not know what to write, I might just fail" or "I just passed. I was given grace marks just for my attempts. I did not write anything" (Really? Was the teacher a fool? Or am I a fool?")  or "Thank God I am not the least in the class. When she said the least score was **, I was so sure it was me." or "Oh the interview? I did not understand a single question. He asked something, I answered something else".... and the list goes on.

If you ask them about their lying and such, you get wonderful answers. "I REALLY thought I would fail, it was just luck that I topped the exam. A miracle. Trust me" (Yawn!). Here is another interesting one. "I am protecting myself from the evil eye." (Uhh !!! Psycho!!!)

I have some news, mostly bad, for such people and it is as follows- "Nobody (except another stinker) cares about your grades or your interviews or your jobs and you know why? Cos you stink. Yes, you do. I know its kind of difficult to take but if you carefully sniff around you will realize that a truck load of stink is emanating from you. And you know who really people care about? Those who change the world. So every time you wag your tongue to lie about how horrible some worthless exam/interview was, ask yourself if you are going to win a Nobel prize for your performance. If not, do the whole world a big favor by stopping your wagging instantly. Thank you".